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My Velvet Rut: Another Compilation of Stuff by Me

by Steve Fitch

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    Included are the 20 tracks of the album and some infographic materials.
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1.
Signed 03:03
SIGNED You and your buddies, all weary and ragged, playing wherever you can – you can only do this another few years, playing for losers who clap between beers and touring in a junky old van. The girlfriend wants you to quit, stay at home, settle down, and just be a dad. Either persist 'til you make it, or your aging body can't take it anymore, and you wish that you had. Put that ideal of integrity out of your mind – you may have a vision, but don't be blind: you gotta get signed if you don't wanna be left behind. The Label Guys see this gang of you bands as one big alternacrowd to market to a new demographic, and make a lotta bucks from the traffic, 'cause kids wanna turn it up loud. Your friend's band's star is rapidly rising, while yours is not even cruising. Hitchin' your wagon to his star would be like a jump-start from his car, so you won't feel like you're really using. Put that crap about integrity out of your mind – you may have a vision, but don't be blind: you gotta get signed if you don't wanna be left behind. Decades later, if you are remembered among the alternalegion, You'll be featured in some retrospective film from historic perspective about prominent bands from your region. In your house that you bought with the money you got from your one hit in heavy rotation, the interviewer asks you to impart your wisdom to bands before they start touring all over the nation: "Put the ideal of integrity out of your mind – you may have a vision, but don't be blind: you gotta get signed if you don't wanna be left behind." © 2013 Steve Fitch
2.
I DON'T WANTO you're the girl next door fresh air on a sunny day i'm from down the road long ago and far away your hugs are handshakes and your body's what makes your world make sense i've survived by not wanting what i ain't got in emotional defense please don't make me want you i don't want to want to you're the girl i should have known at your age the disease of my life is in too advanced a stage past our just enjoying each other is annoying possibility that there's significance or a complicated dance in store for you and me please don't make me want you i don't want to want to i knew a girl like you who was your age her sweet compassion turned to bitter rage wanted me as a savior from her own behavior and that of other men hated me for blowin' it without my even knowin' it and i lost my best friend please don't make me want you i don't want to want to please don't make me want you i don't want to want to want to please don't make me want to i don't want to want you © 2013 Steve Fitch
3.
THE MAN WITH THE TWO-HEADED PENIS Oh, here he comes – oh, there he goes – Where is he from? Nobody knows. Where does he live? What does he do? What is his name? I'd thought you knew. He's The Man With the Two-Headed Penis – but it's not a name that he chose. Everybody says it, but nobody's seen it – just an other thing that everyone here already knows. Oh, does he know that is his name? Because he looks to show no shame. What he is called is such a disgrace; no one says it to his face. He's The Man With the Two-Headed Penis – but it's not a name that he chose. Everybody says it, but nobody's seen it – not the kind of thing that any grown man proudly shows. Hey, everyone, now that's enough – it's time to stop this gossip stuff, because he had a mother, too, and she loved him like yours did you. "He's the man with the two-headed penis," people say everywhere that he goes. Everybody laughs, but nobody's seen it – just an other thing that people would like to suppose. © 2012 Steve Fitch
4.
ANTHROPOPULATION The only education back in school was in looking cute and acting cool, designed to make one hip, not wise – anthropology internalized – and now I know that all iId learned was not to scream while getting burned, and never let them see me sweat, and hope by next year they'll forget. And out into the world we spread, to find the diet we'd been fed wasn't quite enough to grow on – assert ourselves, succeed, and so on – except for those who had been prepped for surest footing where they stepped along a shortcut to the top, where, if we'd try to climb, we'd drop. From this no one escapes but exceptionally clever apes: one mind – one folk – one nation one single anthropopulation. Some people get, some people don't; some never will, some never won't, and such will either just expect – anthropology is in effect: survival of the this- or that-est – starve the thin and feed the fattest – to preserve the status quo, and don't admit to what you know. © 2013 Steve Fitch
5.
6.
SHE MAKES ME WISH i could do without deceptions and lies and hearing her talk about other guys and wondering where the next is coming from and whether she's malicious or just dumb but she knows I'm the owner of a big angry boner and doesn't it appall me that she knows that she can call me when i don't want to hear from her again? she makes me wish i were attracted to men she could talk about herself for days but her lips move in mystifying ways no matter what stupid things they've said they're like fluffy pillows for my head so soft and inviting without even any biting but it would be more efficient if i were self-sufficient and be more than an amazing party trick she makes me wish i could such my own dick she's the finest woman you could meet a little to the courtyard and a lot to the street when i see that double bubbl i know i will look for trouble and usually will find it when i am behind it but it would be something fearless and would render me peerless i would definitely be in my own class she makes me wish i could fuck my own ass © 2013 Steve Fitch
7.
ENVYLAND I hear all about her feelings, all things with which she’s dealing, but when I need some empathy, she snaps and lashes-out at me. She’s touchy-feely with a ten-foot pole; got no brains, but plenty of soul, while not knowing what to do with the wishes she commands here in Envyland. I hear him tell my jokes and sound witty to those other folks, taking credit and the glory for my amusing and amazing story. He resents he can’t do, too what I’ve practiced all my life to do – accomplishments come quick and easy, and greatness, second-hand, here in Envyland. This is just a big small town where people hold each other down, always trying to hold-back somene who has what they lack – they feel entitled to it, but sit around and never do it. “Give up what makes you special.” is all that people here demand, here in Envyland. We’re all sisters and brothers with no fathers nor mothers, and all entitled to the same as any winner in the game, where seldom is heard an encouraging word, and praise is held in escrow ’til some favor changes hands, here in Envyland. Everything I have is what I‘ve earned; everything I know is what I’d learned; everything I want is in my hand – I’m unfit to live in Envyland. © 2011 Steve Fitch
8.
9.
MY BEAUTIFUL WORLD linda went back home to berlin so i call her "berlinda" for fun i know i'll never see her again as though she were never someone i'll never be able to go there but it's cool that there's someone i know there i won't go – i will stay here in my beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful world every morning i'm awakened by persistent percussive sound of mexican men as they're building the kondos-for-kids all around despite all the years that i've spent here it's the kids' world; i just pay rent here i won't go – i will stay here in my beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful world talk to me about things without letting a word in that i'm refusing to try my atrophied wings became a burden so i learned not to miss being able to fly someday i'd like to take my life to its next proper stage meanwhile i'm getting older as everyone stays the same age so many whom i've never met, there but what would i do when i'd get there? i won't go – i will stay here in my beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful world © 2013 Steve Fitch
10.
Forty-Five 04:49
FORTY-FIVE She's 45, if she's alive – forever 22 on video – and fixed, for me, in memory as someone whom I'd just had to know. Last time I'd seen her now has been as many years as she was then as old. I might revise, or just re-size, the story any way it might be told. And if we met now, I'd forget the special way she's stayed in memory, so what's the good to wish she would traverse the years and get in touch with me? © 2013 Steve Fitch
11.
LEGITIMATE BASTARD If not for this place, we'd have nowhere to go, and no one would care, and no one would know. Thanks in this orphanage, I'm a legitimate bastard. We're all buried children who'd dug their own ground, anonymous no-ones who'll never be found. Living to this orphanage, I'm a legitimate bastard. Accepting what little this stingy life gave us, we still hope that someday someone will save us – waiting in this orphanage, I'm a legitimate bastard What a pain and a drain that we must be supported – it remains a shame that none of us had been aborted. By the grace of this orphanage, I'm a legitimate bastard. © 2012 Steve Fitch
12.
Testing 02:52
TESTING They sent me out of class down to the basement because I'm different for some testing Several times, the man made me answer questions as though he were trying to decipher an enigma They never told me what they'd learned The government had sprayed the air where 10,000 blacks lived in the projects with a toxic substance likely radioactive but they'd assured them that it was harmless They never told us what they'd learned © 2013 Steve Fitch`
13.
Fucked-up fuck-ups, fucking-up fucked-up, fuck me up.
14.
When You Die 02:10
WHEN YOU DIE You, too engrossed in the vital to bother with claiming your title, 'til the question looked you in the eye: who will you be when you die? Which of the places had claimed you? Where is the place which had named you, and where would the "welcome" mat lie for whom you will be when you die? There is no permanent record of such a past all too checkered, but the future's the permanent size of every man after he dies. On that day when I became you, I was no longer the same you, as you were that forgotten guy whom I won't be when I die. © 2013 Steve Fitch
15.
CENTURIES OF SHAME It's finally time to lose that ugly name, and along with it, the centuries of shame that ancestors had brought from where they came. Now you're no longer one of them, and nevermore the same. Let no one ever tell you that you'd lied, in light of all the comforts you'd denied, as you'd struggled just to reach a point of pride in spite of all the shame that you'd every right to hide. Your story'd make a novel or a play that wouldn't do it justice, either way, as your whole life has been led as though to say, "Keep your centuries of shame; now watch me go away." © 2013 Steve Fitch
16.
Tenderloin 04:12
17.
Empty 05:27
EMPTY I could spend the rest of my life with you – I literally have nothing better to do. I'm nothing. Make me something. My sense of envy will never forget those two on the beach, watching the sun set. I'm no one. Make me someone. You'd make a good wife for someone other than me, but we all know I need it more than he. I'm empty. Fill me with love. I could spend the rest of my life with you. There would be nothing better I could do. I'm empty. Fill me with love. © 2014 Steve Fitch
18.
PERSONA NON GRATA I saw him bummin' around, his guitar draggin' the ground, as though he were going nowhere or he just wasn't there. He passed by the windows of places where he's been banned, looking back in on people who'd lined-up to shake his hand. Persona Non Grata slipped between the strata. There was this girl he was seeing: he'd loved her with all of his being, but she'd had an agenda – a post-script to him, with addenda. All the women, post-her, disappointed, could not see his disappointment in them was that they were not she. Love of His Life, someone else's wife. He could have been famous, but he never he felt quite the same as those who rose out of that mess perfumed in success. Here in the future, what should he do now? Cry-out, "Come back, I'm ready for you now?" Has-Been never was; it's that way "because." Too much had been hung on the back of being so young, when what seemed like nonsense became permanent consequence. Older now, he wants to announce a new age; instead, he's proclaiming that nostalgia is sewage: "Forget what was you – there's still more to do." © 2013 Steve Fitch
19.
Endtitlement 07:05
20.
MY VELVET RUT Last week I went skinny-dipping with some college kids who were tripping at some apartment-complex pool. They were born when I was their age, but they were pretty cool. I tried to tell 'em 'bout the ways that we did things in the good old days, and how we never worried 'bout the rent; then they put their clothes on, and I don't know where they went. These new ones don't understand, and think I'm some old nut. I'm just groovin' along here in my velvet rut. la-di-da-di-da-di-daaaaa . . . Rode my bike to the food co-op – the natural place for me to shop – and bought a gallon of organic water; flirted with the checkout girl who's young enough to be my daughter. Call me a die-hard optimist, but modern girls still can't resist my good ol' horny-hippie rap, even though some people tell me, "These girls don't fall for that old crap." I suppose that I'm really looking for is some cute holistic teenage slut to share all this space in my velvet rut. la-di-da-di-da-di-daaaaa . . . You might see me at some party where the guests are kinda arty and there's no food, but lots of booze, which the host, whoever he is, would find it rude if I'd refuse. I came to a party here before – or maybe it was the house next door – and I'd left the conversation I just entered: this is how I'd held my beer as I'd last laughed and bantered. All I have to show for years of coming to these parties is a gut, just an occupational hazard of living in my velvet rut. la-di-da-di-da-di-daaaaa . . . I awoke this morning from a nightmare of an endless summer that makes it hard to believe it'll ever get colder. I've seen 'em come and go, and where they end up, I don't know, but all I ever get from this is older. Don't pass me another beer – it'll only keep me longer here, and it's all I can do not to stay. The party ended long ago, although it rages to this day. One day in the pleasure dome; next day in a nursing home, where everybody's old and toothless – how could I have believed that I never would be youthless? God forbid I should ever wait for an attendant to come wipe my butt, while still living here in my velvet rut. la-di-da-di-da-di-daaaaa . . . © 2011 Steve Fitch

about

My Music by Me Music no. ME80

Derived from these albums:

01 from “Stellar” / © 2013
02 from “My Beautiful World” / © 2013
03 from “Hecknology” / © 2012
04 from “Brown Town” / © 2013
05 from “A Curse in Reverse” / © 2012
06 from “Fucksgiving” / © 2013
07 from “Lost in Austin” / © 2012
08 from “Dominique” / © 2012
09 from “My Beautiful World” / © 2013
10 from “Bellybuttonhole” / © 2013
11 from “Legitimate Bastard” / © 2012
12 from “The Life” / © 2013
13 from “A Curse in Reverse” / © 2012
14 from “Bellybuttonhole” / © 2013
15 from “Brown Town” / © 2013
16 from “With the Moon behind Me” / © 2012
17 from “Non-Man” / © 2014
18 from “Stellar” / © 2013
19 from “Ministry of Love” / © 2011
20 from “An Hour off Your Life” / 2011

For a full-album download of this title, please contact me directly.

Hit me: mymusicbymemusic.com

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released March 20, 2014

All music, lyrics & recording © 2011-2014 Steve Fitch; published by My Music by Me Muisic (BMI).

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